The Cast
People who know people
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Joel is a conflicted young man. He's deeply Christian and a very conservative
republican, yet he's gayer than a gay gay rainbow dressed up in a very
gay pink spandex super hero outfit. Drinking white wine. He and Damian
apparently live together because they've know each other since they went
to high school together at Perboly High and can't find any other roommates who
will tolerate their obnoxiousness. He's currently in law school and
hopes to one day become a corporate lawyer.
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Damian is an completely amoral asshole who loves pointing out the
contradictions in other people's beliefs and behaviors while blissfully
dismissing any aspersions cast upon his rather unique guidelines for
living his own life. He's working on a degree in Mad Science and
one day hopes to menace the world with a deadly invention. Unless
of course they pay the hefty sum of... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
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Beefsteak is one of Damian's projects for class gone awry. Instead of
an unspeakable monster that leaves the cities in ruins and maybe
chases a few nearly naked girls through the forest, Damian produced
Beefsteak, a sentient chunk of reanimated beef. He's cute, he's
innocent, and he shouldn't be allowed near pixie stix and 151 rum.
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Mary is Joel's little sister, a little goth girl who lost her faith
in Christianity. She's a new Freshman on campus on a journey of self
discovery that has involved having sex with Damian on Joel's couch.
She's a bit naive about a lot of things in the world.
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Ted is, believe it or not, a guy Damian likes to hang around with
whenever he wants to look GOOD by comparison. Ted's a loudmouthed,
boorish, sexist neanderthal who thinks saying he's buddhist will
help him nail hippy chicks. He belongs to the Delta Iota Chi (DIX)
fraternity on campus.
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Officer Marcus A. Samson is a much put upon police officer in the fair
city of [NAME OF TOWN TO BE DETERMINED!]. He sees the worst of people
most of the time and often fondly thinks of having a license to bitch
slap morons.
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Joel's and Mary's parents are, of course, deeply Christian and tried to raise
their kids to be the same. Joel's dad is an accountant and an ex-
football player. He's very protective of his daughter, Mary. Joel's
mom is a housewife and is very involved with her church's social
committee.
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The Hug-o-matic is another of Damian's inventions that wound up in
enough strips that it gets its very own entry on the cast page! Does
that mean you can expect to see it again? Perhaps! If you are all
good little boys and girls I'll see what I can do!
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